You sit there contemplating the machine for a good ten minutes. The batteries are in the remote control, and yes, they’re working just fine. You’re lubed up, the silicone sleeve is lubed up, it’s all systems go. Close your eyes and dive in.

See, there was really nothing to worry about. The ingeniously designed silicone sheath mimics a soft wet mouth, while the rows of silver beads, attached to a motor, gently pummel, pound and pleasure your entire cock to a rip-roaring climax. Not only that, it does all the work for you!

You just flick the switch on the multi-speed controller and the beads get to work on your entire shaft, and you start to realise with a smile that this is fun. This is a lot of fun. And unlike taking a high dive, you’re in complete control all the way to the end.

You can take it fast or slow, speed it up to race to a powerful orgasm, or slow it right down to enjoy the sensation of the machine pulling on your cock in a delicious sucking motion. It’s your very own designer deep throat blowjob, and you don’t have to risk cracking your head open to get it.

If you haven’t tried the Autoblow Blast yet, and you’re gagging for a no questions asked blowjob, order yours now. Take the plunge at www.roboticblowjob.com

He smiled jovially as he noted the girl gazing dolefully out of the window. “53 years old and I can still go at it like a steam train!”

No one could have guessed that, sequestered in his vest pocket, Henry held the prototype of the pocket pussy. He had been working on it for weeks, a sleeve of the finest silk and velvet lubricated with goose fat. ‘Henry Beaver’s Widower’s Companion’ would soon be marketed across the land to unattached and lonely gentlemen in need of a little male toy consolation.

It would rake in, he confidently estimated, even more money than his patented ‘Henry Beaver’s Eze-Access Maid’s Pantaloons.’ Several gentlemen of leisure required their maids to don these crotchless silk pantaloons for to partake of fast and illicit thrustings whenever the opportunity presented itself.

His son, Jeremy Beaver, was busy chasing the children round the tree, but Henry knew he was really chasing the money; waiting for the old goat to expire so as to avail himself of the hard won spoils of his genius.

“He won’t get his idle hands on my widower’s companion” mused Henry “nor a penny from the proceeds unless he acquaints himself with an day’s honest labour. No, it will all go to young Winston here, even now at Christmas, so thoughtful and studious in his little blue coat.”

Yes, warming his buttocks by the fire, as Mrs Beaver opened a bottle of her favourite port, Henry quietly congratulated himself and looked forward immensely to the end of the day when he would treat himself to the Christmas gift of his own making.

There was of course much work still to be done. Many more occasions on which it would be necessary to accost young Lily to compare the sensations afforded by her ripe young pudenda and by his new device. But never let it be said Henry Beaver was afraid of a hard day’s bump and grind.

And a very merry male toy Christmas to one and all.

Jenna Haze is the newest Fleshlight Girl on the block. She is AVN Performer of the Year 2009, and has just notched up the highest opening week sales of any Fleshlight Girl to date. Her partnership with Fleshlight brings two new custom-molded offerings to the popular ale toy product line. One is her pussy, the other is her ass.

Jenna was delighted when Fleshlight approached her to promote her pussy for their popular male toy, but in her many movies, she is best known for her anal scenes.

Everyone agreed it would make great commercial sense to market two Fleshlight models for Jenna Haze. So for the first time, Fleshlight have produced a star endorsed male toy offering the choice of one orifice or the full set.

The Jenna Haze pussy Fleshlight offers the Lotus texture, the most realistic pussy sensation preferred by Fleshlight customers worldwide. The new signature texture, specially developed for Ms Haze is called Forbidden. Both male toys are molded from Ms. Haze’s own body.

The new additions tie in with the male toy manufacturers strategy to work with top mainstream adult stars to offer signature Fleshlights.

Steve Shubin, Fleshlight creator commented, “We’re thrilled to add two new Jenna Haze products to our line of custom-molded celebrities. Jenna is the reigning Performer of the Year, and also the number one request from our ongoing customer poll.”

Fleshlight reports sales growth for FleshlightGirls.com to be up over 260% over last year and projects that Ms. Haze will make a significant positive impact before year end.

In case you are not aware, the Fleshlight in all its various forms is the world’s 2nd best selling male toy after the Autoblow. It looks like a flashlight, but once you open it up, it actually contains an inner sleeve. You take your pick from a pouting pussy, a perky pink butt or fat cock-sucking lips. Each of the male toy inserts has a different interior feel. As you can imagine, the butt is the tightest fit.

This male toy has shifted off the shelves by the bucket load since Steve Shubin, its former SWAT Officer inventor, slapped down $50k of his own money to start producing it. He has since sold over two million of them. The Fleshlight Vibro is one of the latest off a constant innovation pipeline.

The original Pink Lady Fleshlight is made of what they like to call Real Feel Skin and is one of the best male toys around and so the adjustable vibrations give it an exciting new texture. The interior has nubs which massage your cock both pumping in and pumping out of the Fleshlight Vibro.

Their latest male toy comes with three single-speed bullets complete with pockets to put them in. Just choose how many bullets you can handle, slip them into the pockets on the rear of the sleeve, pump away and prepare for the earth to move.

It was 1995. My original patent back then was on sexually usable body portions for a male toy. I got that patent in ‘95, and it was basically a silicone body portion of a girl, from the belly button to a couple of inches into the legs with the vagina removed. It was that material that I had formulated to replicate human skin that was the key. An issue came up; a very close friend of mine, a really successful businessman, looked at this male toy and he wanted me to send him the insert part, the sexually usable part, to his house. I said, “Sh*t Bob, you’re my friend, I’ll send you a body. Which one do you want?” And he said, “Oh God, no! Don’t send one of those bodies to my house!” So obviously, I realized at that point that if I couldn’t give them away to a friend, how the f*ck could I ever sell one of these male toys? So I dropped him off at the airport, and on my way home I worried about this male toy product that I had already spent $750,000 on developing, but couldn’t sell.

So it became obvious to me because he didn’t want me to send a male toy to his house that, first of all, this male toy needs to be concealable, it’s got to be portable, it’s got to facilitate the use of a gel inside; it’s got to be discreet. And so I figured okay, if it’s discreet, where do you hide it? You could hide it in the garage, that’s where guys are going to be. It’s got to look like a tool. Well, what could it be? Could it be a Thermos? Could it be a beer can? A flashlight? Yeah, it will be a flashlight. So before I had even got back from the airport I had mentally designed it, the container, the flashlight and everything on that trip back from the airport.

When I got back to the shop, I had guys working for me from the special effects movie industry, working on new bodies and different things we had going on. I walked in and told them what I wanted. We sculpted one of these male toys out of clay. I went to a company and I had them make it. They literally do this laser process where they have this container of silica sand that the laser goes around based on a CAD file, and when they brush the sand away, there’s your product. So we knew we had a product that worked when we went into just making the molds that would actually allow me to make the insert part, the gel part. So that’s where it came from. It was a very quick change of plan but it worked.